my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
