True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
