i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
