I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
