i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You dont lie about slip and slides
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
