I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
