Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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