Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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