what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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