my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
