someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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