Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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