Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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