I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
