So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
