people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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