I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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