whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize