Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize