i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
