Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
