When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
