So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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