the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
