Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
