I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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