Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
