Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
