I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
