so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
