He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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