Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize