sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
