i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
