well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize