Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
