some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
