Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
