i permit you to call me
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
As shirtless as possible
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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