my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
