oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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