meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
