I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
tell me about the eggs
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