I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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