Already got asked if we're dating
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
