But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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