I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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