my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
