He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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