What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize