I accidentally had phone sex last night
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
