Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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