When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
