i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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