I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
