You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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