i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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