So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
