The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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