I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
