Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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