I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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