just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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