I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
