Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize