I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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