you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
