One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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