i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i came on her dog
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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