recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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