So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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