It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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