Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
