Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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