watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish i was in the wii world.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
