I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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