sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize