During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
