i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
