Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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