It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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