Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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