Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
