Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
